Amanda Koonlaba, A Worthy Educator and Champion in Education
Founder of Party in the Art Room and Teaching Artist Coordinator for the Mississippi Arts Commission and Mississippi Whole Schools
A Call to Action
While it’s essential for adults to care for themselves, it’s equally important to differentiate between our own feelings and the needs of the children we serve. By doing so, we can make decisions that truly benefit children, assuming benefiting children is our genuine aim. I encourage everyone to reflect on their practices and strive to prioritize children’s needs while also maintaining their own well-being.
Recently, my children, and the children of a few other parents, were treated poorly in a place where they should have felt safe and supported. The response from the adults in charge: “This is just how it has always been done,” “We cannot treat children any differently,” and “What about my feelings?” has been a deep disappointment and (honestly) quite alarming. We have an ethical requirement to separate our personal feelings from the needs of the children we serve, to do the internal work needed to function on a higher level. This pursuit of self-actualization is perhaps the most profound form of self-care.
We Need to Take Care of Ourselves First
We all juggle a lot of responsibilities, and taking care of our mental health and well-being is crucial. When we look after ourselves, we’re better equipped to manage stress, make thoughtful decisions, and be fully present for the children who rely on us. Our emotional health directly affects our ability to create supportive and nurturing environments. Yes, we absolutely should prioritize our own self care, but that’s not the same as putting our own feelings above the needs of others. It's really about striking a balance.
We can prioritize ourselves, but not at the expense of others, especially the best interests of the children we serve. How do we do that? We have to better understand ourselves and our values, and hold ourselves to a higher ethical standard.
Advocating for Children
When I saw how children were being treated, it broke my heart. I approached the adults in charge, hoping for understanding and action. As someone who’s always been a strong and vocal advocate for children, I approached this situation with everything I know about how children deserve to be treated. I assumed everyone involved is on Team Do What's Best for the Children. I was surprised when their reaction was to rationalize the situation. When I pressed for a resolution, they resorted to attacking me, my parenting and my character. The needs of the children were secondary to theirs.
This experience underscored a fundamental truth: empathy and understanding are essential in interactions with children. Decisions made in their best interest shouldn’t be seen as personal attacks on the adults in charge. Defensive reactions only hinder the creation of supportive and nurturing environments.
August is Wellness Month
Taking care of our needs benefits children. Emotionally healthy adults are better able to foster positive relationships and create enriching experiences for children. But this alignment doesn’t just happen. It requires thoughtful consideration and a genuine commitment to being in balance. If someone is talking about doing what’s best for children and your first reaction is to address your own emotional needs, it's time for a self care check-in. Adult's feelings should never be at odds with what is best for a child.
Take some deep breaths, talk to a friend, or a professional, and ask yourself why your feelings are taking precedence over what is best for children. Being willing to process through those thoughts and emotions will help you know yourself better, and you'll be better able to operate from a place of empathy. It takes practice, but it gets better, and there’s no time better to start than this month as we focus on wellness at The Worthy Educator.
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