There’s a popular meme confidently touting the sentiment that, “The secret to happiness is low expectations,” as if never expecting more for ourselves insulates us from disappointment. I guess this may appeal to someone ready to give up on life, but it makes me roll my eyes every time I see it. I mean… seriously… how do you ever achieve anything if you don’t expect it? Sure it takes work and grit and determination and persistence and heartache, but doesn’t anything worthwhile?
Maybe more to the point: what kind of a sad sack of potatoes would I have to be to live with the express purpose of avoiding disappointment? I’m made out of tougher material than that. Why would I be afraid to go after what I want just because it isn’t easy?
I’m asking more questions than I am offering answers, I know.
It seems to me that the true distinction is between expectations and assumptions.
Life is open to endless possibilities for each of us. We determine our trajectory by what we expect out of it. Education? Children? Travel? Leaving our mark on the world? We make choices. We move forward based on what we want out of life. Do you know someone who just sits waiting for whatever life doles out to them? How is that working for them?
No, I want to be the captain of my own vessel. I may not be able to anticipate or overcome every storm or wreck on the rocks, but I will chart my own course, and if you’re still reading this then you are cut out of the same cloth.
On the other hand, if I assume that I am going to have everything I want go my way, that’s a different story. Assumption means I presume that it is mine to have. It smacks of an attitude of entitlement, or at the very least, of a thoughtless, unexamined experience of life. I assume my grant proposal will win funding even though it’s a highly competitive process. I assume everyone on the team agrees with me and then I lash out when they push back. I assume that promotion is mine and then I react as if it is taken from me. Assumptions set us up for disappointment.
Expectations fuel the best in us, driving us to improve our circumstances, factoring in the realities of the situation, assessing the variables in play, acknowledging all the possible outcomes, and determining the requirements needed for success.
Disappointment? Who’s afraid of disappointment? It teaches us about ourselves and tempers our view of the world. Through setbacks, we recalibrate and restart our moving forward. Getting lost is part of the journey. It doesn’t keep us from continuing to our destination.
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